Adoption Q&A

I can’t let National Adoption Month pass by without a post dedicated to one of my most favorite topics: ADOPTION

Today I’m going to respond to some of the most common remarks I hear about Adoption.

1. You have to have a Pinterest perfect life to adopt. Uhm, hello, have you seen my Insta? I’m far from perfect. JHub and I work normal jobs making average money. We drive Fords. We live in a 3 bedroom home. We have a modest savings account. We have credit cards with a balance. We don’t go on dream vacations every summer. We eat more fast food than home cooked food. Literally, we’re as normal as you are! Adoption doesn’t require perfection. Just a willingness to add another person to the craziness. 

2. I can’t afford adoption. When we started the adoption journey, I’ll be honest, I was shell shocked at the cost. We didn’t have 5K sitting in the bank, much less 50K! We weren’t rich (still aren’t as a matter of fact). We were newly weds. Even the day we were matched with Quin, we didn’t have the 25K we needed to formally accept the match. From fundraising, to donations, to grants, to creative ways to save money- there are options! Nobody, that I know, that adopted did it without financial help. Nobody, that I know, that has adopted had the 50K in the bank the day they started their journey. Adoption doesn’t require a huge bank account. Just a huge bank of faith. 

3. Our family doesn’t look normal. No family looks “normal”. Same sex couples can adopt. Single moms can adopt. Bi-Racial couples can adopt. Families with 5 kids can adopt. Families with zero kids can adopt. Adoption doesn’t require “normal”. Your version of normal will do just fine!

4. All kids that are adopted have problems either from drug exposure or abuse.  Listen, I know everyone wants the perfect child. Everyone wants easy. But, honestly, your chances of getting a special needs child are the exact same whether you adopt or birth one naturally. Birthing your own child doesn’t guarantee a “perfect” child. Adopting a child doesn’t guarantee a “special” child. Adoption doesn’t discriminate. Children from all walks of life, from varying degrees of needs, need a home. 

5. You are a saint. I am not equipped to handle special needs. Ask any first time special needs parent if they were prepared for the challenges and 10/10 they will tell you no. I wasn’t equipped. I had no knowledge of RAD or ADHD. But you know what, I am equipped with love and compassion and faith. I can research the F out of the rest and figure it out along the way. I, and all of the other special needs mommas I know, are not saints. We have messy houses, we yell, we argue with our spouses just like everyone else. Adoption doesn’t require you to be a saint. Just be willing to fight the battle.

6. I can’t love a child like I love my own biological child. HA! BET! The first time you hold your adopted child and they look up at you with hope filled eyes, you’ll never know a difference. I don’t have any biological children so I don’t know what it feels like to love a biological child. But, what I do know is that I love Quin as much as my momma loves me. I know the love I feel for Q rivals any biological love. I know that I would go to the ends of the earth to keep my baby safe, just like you! I promise you love doesn’t know blood type. Adoption doesn’t require blood types. Just a heart.

7. Knowing what you know now, would you do everything the exact same? My answer varies day by day. Ask me on one of Q’s good days and you’ll get one answer. Ask me on one of Q’s trying days and you’ll get something totally different. On a good day, I would say absolutely, I wouldn’t go back and change anything. On a trying day, I would say h*ll no, rewind the script and lets try again. On trying days I would tell you to that I want to go back and do a sh*t ton more research before Q finds us. On trying days I would tell you that I want to go back and line up a team of doctors & therapists prior to bringing Q home. There have been days that I have thought “What have I gotten myself into?” but I am thinking this is just a mom thing because I am certain all of you have looked at your birth children and thought the same thing at one point or another. 

8. I don’t want to spend 2 or 3 years trying to adopt.  Nobody does. For some people, this is the reality. For others, its not. From the day we decided to adopt to the day we met Q was exactly 9 months. Why didn’t we have to wait? Because we didn’t take no for an answer. J and I thought adoption would take us years so we decided after 4 months of marriage to start the process. I was full of hope and dialed up a local adoption agency and she said “Call us back in 2 years. You have to be married for 3 years before you can adopt in the state of Alabama.” I was crushed but I did some research and we found that we didn’t have to settle for that. We signed up with Christian Adoption Consultants, who helped educate us on adoption laws, how they work, and how we could adopt NOW despite us not being married very long. Q ate our wedding cake with us on our 1 year anniversary. 

I saw a quote the other day that is the perfect ending to this post:

“If adoption were too easy, everyone would do it. If it were too hard, no one would do it. If it wasn’t worth it, Jesus wouldn’t have done it….or called us to do it.” 

If you, or someone you know, wants to chat about adoption. Whether you’re just nosy or ready to answer the calling, I would LOVE to talk to you. Leave a comment below and I will get with you! 

Stick With Kindness

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