4 Years Ago

JHub,

4 years ago our friends and family filled that small winery to watch us say our vows, to celebrate our happiness, to wish us well in our future life, to show their love for us, and to drink the free wine. 4 years ago we were kids full of hope, love, and optimism. 4 years ago we thought we knew what love was. 4 years ago we thought we understood what “in sickness and health” meant. 4 years ago we were agreeing to the “good times and the bad” though we figured the bad times would never really come. 4 years ago we were young and naive. 4 years ago we had no idea what marriage really was.

4 years ago we had a dream…I’d wear the white dress. You’d wear the tux. We’d say “I do” and drive off into the sunset. We’d honeymoon. We’d decorate our perfect storybook home. We’d both have awesome jobs and make a nice living. We’d start a family. We’d have the athletic son. We’d have the sassy diva. We’d raise our kids. Sure, we would argue over things but we loved each other so it would be easy, we thought. We’d grow old together. We’d live happily ever after.

4 years later all we can do is laugh at those two starry eyed people who were so damn clueless. I don’t know about you, but I don’t even recognize those two love birds who said “I Do” on October 5, 2013. 4 years later we’ve experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. 4 years later we now know what the “good times and the bad” really means. 4 years later we know a whole different kind of love. 4 years later we know that marriage isn’t easy.

We got the first part of that dream right…I did wear the white dress. You did wear the tux. We did drive off and have the perfect honeymoon. We did decorate our perfect storybook home. We did start a family. After that, the dream starts fading into reality. 4 years later we have a completely different dream. Now our dream is to sleep a full night without a 5 year old in our bed. Now we dream that insurance will pick up the tab on these doctor appointments. Now we dream of losing weight. Now we dream about paying off cars and mortgages. Now we don’t have time to dream.

4 years later and I love you differently. I love you for the father you are to our child. I love you for being my support beam when I am falling. I love you for being my comedian on the hard days. I love you for being my facts when I don’t want to face them. I love you for being my tissue when I cry. I love you for being my vote of confidence when I am unsure. I love you for being my laid back when I am uptight. I love you for being my sunshine during my thunderstorms. I love you for being my dream when I am stuck in reality. I love you for being my reality when I am stuck in a dream. I love you for the man that you have become in 4 short years.

A few weeks ago we stayed at The Tutweiler hotel. From the outside, I am sure people saw a married couple enjoying a quiet night, kid free, celebrating their anniversary a few days early. We both know what the reality was. We were a married couple going through one of our lowest of lows trying to escape reality and find a little sunshine in a thunderstorm. When we were at the hotel, we watched a wedding party take pictures. I remember standing on our balcony, watching the bride and groom kiss for the camera, with tears in my eyes. That bride and groom reminded me so much of us. Smiling, laughing, and soaking up their perfect wedding day…all the while having no clue what was really in store for them 4 years later.

4 years ago you were my best yes. 4 years later you are still my best yes. 4 years ago you were my best friend. 4 years later and you are still my best friend. 4 years ago you were my dream. 4 years later you are still my dream. 4 years ago you I loved you. 4 years later and I love you more.

Happy anniversary, JHub.