Food For Thought

I have been approached about this story several times. I don’t think people seek me out to get my input because I am some wise know it all that would offer some valuable insight. I think the reason this story has been brought to my attention over 7 times now is because the story is very similar to my own. I am talking about the YouTube family, The Stauffers. In case you haven’t heard of the story, I would encourage you to Google them and pick any news source you trust to read up on their story and why they have recently found themselves in the headlines.

I actually came across the news myself from the Today’s Show facebook page a little over a month ago. Initially, the headlines read something along the lines of “YouTube Family Rehomes Son”. I was familiar with the Stauffer’s as I had followed their journey on YouTube. I was, and still am, a subscriber of their channel though I’ll admit, I have recently gotten wrapped up in TikTok and haven’t watched a YouTube video in a while so I wasn’t really up to date on the Stuaffer’s life.

People are outraged at the fact that the Stauffer’s made the difficult desicion to rehome their adopted son, Huxley. Even though I shouldn’t have, I read the comments. The messages were full of hate. The messages were full of opinions. The messages were full of disbelief. “How could a family give up their child”? “When you adopt a child, you are supposed to love them as if you birthed them yourself”. You wouldn’t rehome your biological child!” “They rehomed their child? He isn’t a pet you can just get rid of”. “They only adopted him to gain followers to their channel”. Nobody had anything nice to say. Not a soul showed compassion, love, or support for The Stauffers.

I’ll be honest, before we adopted Q, I could totally see myself thinking some of those same negative thoughts and passing that same kind of judgement. But now, now that I am in a place very similar to where Myka Stauffer was, I have a totally different view and I really want to give you a little food for thought. Here are my thoughts…

1. While this process of “rehoming” a child sounds awful and terrible, it is actually more common than you think. In fact, there are companies who do this for a living. Look up Second Chance Adoptions on Facebook. Read through the stories. You will see they are all very similar to the Stauffer’s story. Only, those families don’t live in the public eye so you didn’t hear about them. Keep reading though and you will find, more often than not, the child ends up growing and thriving in their new home. Companies, like SCA, have a heart for these situations and they find a home that IS equipped for whatever needs the child may have.
2. Myka Stauffer released a statement saying she was ” was not selective or fully equipped or prepared” and quite frankly I felt that statement on a personal level. An adoption agency has an obligation to the child and the families they serve to educate and prepare adoptive parents on how to handle a child’s special needs. Unfortunately, they don’t all do as good of a job as they should. Don’t get me wrong, its not all on the agency, it is on the parents to research and educate themselves on special needs and what it entails but sometimes no matter how much you read on the internet, nothing can prepare you for the real thing. . When we brought Q home, I found myself in a world I was NOT prepared for. I scrambled, fought, and Googled for the right doctors, therapies, medications, and more. I am still constantly researching, looking for medication options, and asking doctors all the hard questions. So why didn’t Myka just do what I did and Google the hell out of everything? Because she is a mom to 4 other children.
3. The Stauffer’s have stated that Huxley has Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder. He has also experienced a lot of trauma within his short life so it is very likely that he has meltdowns and behaviors that could be harmful to the other children in the home. The Stauffers have 4 other children that they have an obligation to protect.
4. During the adoption process, you are given the child’s medical file for review. The file is only as good as the information they have. Diagnosis-es in a young child are difficult and kids are often misdiagnosed. When we adopted Q, we had NO idea he had RAD (in fact didn’t even know this was a thing!). We didn’t know he had ADHD. Even with top doctors at our local children’s hospital, Q was misdiagnosed. I say all that, because its quite possible that once Huxley got into the Stauffer’s home, they discovered he had needs far greater than they could handle.
5. The biggest “argument” I’ve seen is the “she wouldn’t rehome her biological child” and to that I say yes, in fact, people do rehome their biological children with special needs. We adopted my son when he was 2 years old and his biological parents realized he had special needs far greater than they could handle emotionally, financially, and physically. I think this important that people realize that sometimes parents do have to make difficult decisions and they do so because they love that child so much they are willing to admit that a child needs more than they can give them.
6. I don’t know how much money the Stauffer’s make from their YouTube channel but I do know how expensive adoption is so I really struggle to think that a family would choose to go through the time consuming, invasive, and expensive process of adoption if their heart wasn’t really in it and they were only looking for a paycheck. I truly believe Myka Stauffer’s heart was in the right place when she adopted Huxley.

I want to make it clear that I am not defending the Stauffer’s decison. Personally, it isn’t the decision I would have made. My point is just to remind everyone that before you type your hate comments and bash decisions that people make, try to look at all sides before passing judgement. You don’t have to agree. You also don’t have to comment.