A Magic Wand In Pill Form

A happy pill a day keeps the crazy momma away. Literally. Not even kidding.

I’ll admit, I have been on and off anxiety/anti-depressant meds for most of my adult life. I have, on more than one occasion, found myself overwhelmed, sad, or anxious. I know that I am a worrier and a stresser. I was 19 when I went on the “happy pill” for the first time. I had just gotten dealt a hard hand, medically speaking, and I was overwhelmed with college & work & boy trouble. I remember crying to my doctor asking what could I do to feel normal. I begged him to wave a magic wand and make my emotions chill out. He mentioned the meds and I took them out of desperation. Since then, I have been able to recognize when I am able to manage my feelings. I have worked with my doctor to ween myself off. However, the minute I feel myself slipping, I start paying attention and  have gone back to the doctor if the feelings start to consume me.

In late Spring of 2017, I felt the feeling again. I just couldn’t shake the overwhelming stress I felt. I literally felt like stress was causing the anxiety monster in me not to sleep.  I was moody, sad for no reason, stressing about small stuff that shouldn’t bother me, uninterested in pretty much everything, and just in a “blah” head space. I had been off the “happy pill” for over 2 years and really didn’t want to go back on them. I mean, I am 30 now. I should be able to handle my emotions and keep myself in check, right? It took me a few months to admit defeat but I knew it was time to wave the white flag and head back to the doctor.

You guys! I am so glad I didn’t let my 30 year old pride get in my way. Just a few weeks after starting the “happy pill” was QMonster’s hospital stay. I can’t imagine what I would have been like I had not been on the meds. I am so so so thankful that my gut told me I needed to talk to my doctor sooner rather than later.

I am not ashamed to admit that it takes a “happy pill” to get me through the day. Life is hard and whether I am 19 or 30 or 45, my heart and brain are wired to handle emotions & stress with a magnifying glass. I am OK with the fact that sometimes I will need a “happy pill” and sometimes I won’t. I know that in order to give my best self to JHub and QMonster, I have to take care of myself  and quite frankly that “happy pill” is the magic wand some days.

When I first went on my “happy pills” I was so embarrassed. I felt like I was crazy or that if people knew, they would assume I was crazy. The more I got to know people, I found that it was actually quite common and several people who I thought “had it all together” also had a magic wand that they waved to keep their life together. Now, I’ll openly talk about my “happy pill”. I mean, I am not chatting it up with the cashier at Target, but if a friend mentions it, I am happy to admit it and share my knowledge & experiences.

 

So, for all you mommas hiding in the dark with your magic wand, come on out. It is ok! This Hot Mess Momma is right here, waving her flag too!