A Magic Wand In Pill Form

A happy pill a day keeps the crazy momma away. Literally. Not even kidding.

I’ll admit, I have been on and off anxiety/anti-depressant meds for most of my adult life. I have, on more than one occasion, found myself overwhelmed, sad, or anxious. I know that I am a worrier and a stresser. I was 19 when I went on the “happy pill” for the first time. I had just gotten dealt a hard hand, medically speaking, and I was overwhelmed with college & work & boy trouble. I remember crying to my doctor asking what could I do to feel normal. I begged him to wave a magic wand and make my emotions chill out. He mentioned the meds and I took them out of desperation. Since then, I have been able to recognize when I am able to manage my feelings. I have worked with my doctor to ween myself off. However, the minute I feel myself slipping, I start paying attention and  have gone back to the doctor if the feelings start to consume me.

In late Spring of 2017, I felt the feeling again. I just couldn’t shake the overwhelming stress I felt. I literally felt like stress was causing the anxiety monster in me not to sleep.  I was moody, sad for no reason, stressing about small stuff that shouldn’t bother me, uninterested in pretty much everything, and just in a “blah” head space. I had been off the “happy pill” for over 2 years and really didn’t want to go back on them. I mean, I am 30 now. I should be able to handle my emotions and keep myself in check, right? It took me a few months to admit defeat but I knew it was time to wave the white flag and head back to the doctor.

You guys! I am so glad I didn’t let my 30 year old pride get in my way. Just a few weeks after starting the “happy pill” was QMonster’s hospital stay. I can’t imagine what I would have been like I had not been on the meds. I am so so so thankful that my gut told me I needed to talk to my doctor sooner rather than later.

I am not ashamed to admit that it takes a “happy pill” to get me through the day. Life is hard and whether I am 19 or 30 or 45, my heart and brain are wired to handle emotions & stress with a magnifying glass. I am OK with the fact that sometimes I will need a “happy pill” and sometimes I won’t. I know that in order to give my best self to JHub and QMonster, I have to take care of myself  and quite frankly that “happy pill” is the magic wand some days.

My magic wand…..Ignore the grandma pill case & the other pill (its for acne, for all you nosy folks)

When I first went on my “happy pills” I was so embarrassed. I felt like I was crazy or that if people knew, they would assume I was crazy. The more I got to know people, I found that it was actually quite common and several people who I thought “had it all together” also had a magic wand that they waved to keep their life together. Now, I’ll openly talk about my “happy pill”. I mean, I am not chatting it up with the cashier at Target, but if a friend mentions it, I am happy to admit it and share my knowledge & experiences.


So, for all you mommas hiding in the dark with your magic wand, come on out. It is ok! This Hot Mess Momma is right here, waving her flag too!



7 thoughts on “A Magic Wand In Pill Form

  1. Right there with you. My anxiety gets the best of me and mood swings, GIRL. Chad will tell you he loves that I have that magic pill. You are a great friend. Love you and miss you!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m so crazy about you. You are so special.
        There is nothing wrong with anti-depressants. I am on them also. Seven years ago I went into a deep depression. Didn’t even know it. After a year and a half I mentioned it to my Dr. he put me on Paxil. Love that pill. Will never give it up. Take it everyday needed or not.
        It’s not shameful but a chemical imbalance that the pill corrects.

        Liked by 1 person

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