A few weeks ago I mentioned QMonster being in the hospital. Not going to lie, it was rough…flat out rough…and honestly, I am still feeling the effects of the stay as are Q and JHub. However, I am not going to be sad, negative, or a Debbie Downer today…nope! Today is a great day for a great day so I am going to talk about the sunshine I experienced during the storm and the rainbows I found after it passed.
During the storm of Q’s hospital stay, I must say our closest friends and family really rallied around us and made it a point to show their love & support. From texts, to cards, to gifts we just really owe a lot to our friends and family who kept our spirits up during the 11 day storm. We can’t tell you all enough how much your prayers were felt. Every text seemed to come at just the right time. The cards brought smiles when I needed one the most. QMonster really loved getting cards and presents brought to him each day. From the friends who bravely went out to lunch and dinner with me, thank you…I was a hot mess and nowhere near publicly presentable but you went without judgment. The gift cards for dinners after we got home were so thoughtful because honestly feeding these hungry boys was the farthest thing from my mind. We can’t tell you thank you enough for everything you all did. Our friends and family came to our side when we needed them most and for that I am forever indebted to them. Thank you all for being sunshine on a cloudy day.
After the storm, I found a rainbow…while I had to search hard to find it, I found it and I am choosing to celebrate it. Before the storm, I was having to spend anywhere from 45-75 minutes a night laying with QMonster as he fell asleep. Honestly, it was terrible. Don’t get me wrong, I love extra snuggle time with my little man but I would lay there and think about all of things I could be doing instead or I would be so tired I would fall asleep and miss precious one on one time with Jimmy. During Q’s hospital stay, he was forced into a new bedtime routine which involved himself and a dim light. He got into the habit of falling asleep with out the TV, iPad, and momma. While that seems small, I am so thankful that he is able to now lay in bed without me and fall asleep but still feel safe & at ease. Like I said, not much, but when the storm comes, you gotta look for rainbows where you can find them.
During Q’s hospital stay, we were limited as far as entertainment goes. We had zero TV, iPads, or cellphones. We had crayons, coloring books, hot wheels, stuffed animals, and each other. At first, it was hard to be stripped of all of our known entertainment but later, I found I was really enjoying the low-tech family time. The 3 of us were forced to use our imagination to entertain ourselves. So while we were in the middle of a terrible storm, we had little rays of sunshine each day in spending intentional time together. We discovered QMonster really likes to play “Target”. We learned that JHub can make a pretty decent paper airplane. We found that QMonster is way better than myself at musical chairs. JHub can beat box a pretty good beat for Musical Chairs. We can get pretty creative with “I Spy” in a less than colorful room. All in all, I think all 3 of us really enjoyed the dedicated family time without all of the distractions of “real life” and I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we should really make it a priority to put away the technology and the toys and just be together to find fun more often.
After the storm, I was left feeling scared, sad, and raw. I wanted to desperately to tell people but I was afraid. Now that I have told the truth and let it out, I just feel so much weight off my shoulders. People that I have known for years have reached out to me to let me know that their kids are in similar situations. People who I thought I knew I found out were keeping secrets much like I was. This storm rekindled friendships, solidified friendships, and made new friendships. I am thankful that this storm produced such a beautiful rainbow and has allowed me to connect with people I never knew were struggling while giving myself an outlet to be authentic.
The biggest rainbow I have found after the storm is my lack of stress. When QMonster was in the hospital literally nothing else mattered to me. Work didn’t stress me out, Q’s school didn’t stress me out, my weight didn’t bother me, I didn’t even worry if my friends were mad at me for not texting them. I know I fell into a depression of sorts while Q was in the hospital.I don’t think I wore makeup 10 out of the 11 days he was in there. And if I am being 100% truthful, I bet I can count on one hand how many times I showered while he was there. I really didn’t take good care of myself. Literally, my whole entire focus was QMonster, his needs, his treatment plan, his post hospital treatment plan, and making sure we were doing everything that needed to be done to get him to a good place. After the storm, I have found that I still am in some sort of funk even to this very moment BUT I think some of that may be good. QMonster and JHub have always been my number 1 priority but sometimes I think outside stress can cloud your vision and I think that happened to me. This storm cleared that cloud up and helped me regain focus and reminded me of what is most important at the end of the day. I am able to focus on Q and let the other silly stresses of my life go. Who cares if I am a few lbs over what I weighed 4 years ago? Its not like I need to fit into my wedding dress anymore. Who cares if I dress to the 9s or dress like a boring mom? I am a better mom when I am in leggings, anyways! Why worry if Q has a rough day at school? We all have bad days and tomorrow is a new day! What is the point of stressing about work outside of work? They don’t pay me to worry past my set schedule. Why do I care if my “friend” is mad at me for not reaching out to her today? If she knows me at all, she knows I’m here no matter what! The point is, refocusing on my #1 priority, my family, has been the ultimate rainbow for me.
I think it goes without saying that I don’t ever want QMonster to be in the hospital again. It was anything but fun. However, I am thankful that I have been able to open my eyes to a whole ‘nother world I didn’t realize was out there. I am thankful I have been able to share our family’s experience and connect with others who too needed a listening ear. I am sitting here typing this with tears in my eyes as I think about all of the love our family experienced from our friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, and even strangers during such a hard time and I am just so thankful for these amazing people. I am glad I have been able to let some of my silly stressors go and focus in on the people and things that really make my world go ’round!
Like I said, Today is a good day for a good day! Look for the sunshine on a cloudy day and know that rainbows will come after the thunderstorms.