On October 19 1982 JHub graced the world with his presence. October 19 2017 JHub turned 35. Every year on JHub’s birthday, things get a little chaotic for whatever reason but this year…this year….well…it was a hot freaking mess….
The morning of JHub’s birthday, I put his present by the fireplace. I strung up the “Happy Birthday” banner I bought. I blew up a few balloons and fixed them to the mantel. It wasn’t much but he would feel special when he woke up…or at least that was the goal. QMonster woke JHub up bright and early with his hyper 5 year old antics. He insisted he get out of bed and open his present, mind you JHub is half asleep. We got him a drone. QMonster pulls the balloons off the mantel pretty quick like….honestly not sure if JHub even saw them. Off to school & work because this is 35…..
After school/work, QMonster and I grab JHub’s cake–chocolate peanut butter cake with no “Happy Birthday Daddy” written on top or even a candle…because this is 35. We head home and QMonster insists that JHub plays with the drone NOW. They get the drone all ready to play and we parade ourselves outside. JHub starts pressing buttons, the control starts beeping, lights are flashing but the done isn’t getting off the ground. JHub attempts to get the drone off the ground for a while. I attempt. The drone stays put. We give up and head inside to box up the piece of junk so I can take it back. As we were putting it away, in big bold letters, it tells you how to get the damn thing off the ground. So back outside we go…this time the drone takes her maiden voyage….INTO A TREE. Flat out stuck in the damn tree pretty high up there at that. Luckily the neighbor saw the whole thing and brought out a long metal pole and a tall ladder and they made quick work to get the drone down. After a few more close calls with trees, we put the drone away and headed to JHub’s birthday dinner….at a local pizza place that offers $2.50 pints on Thursdays…because this is 35….
Our dear friends and their two girls met us at the pizza joint for some beer, trivia, and cake. The kids were being kids…whiny, bored, full of energy. We gave the kids $5 worth of quarters and they came back with 13 bouncy balls. Now 13 balls can’t be evenly spread out among 3 kids so we dealt with the mini breakdown that each kid had when they couldn’t have the extra ball. Of course, QMonster had to take it to the next level and show us how mad he was. He spilled an entire glass of ice water all over the table and girls. QMonster had his moment. The girls had their moments (rightfully so, they have water on them now and no 5th bouncy ball). I take Q away, let him regroup, head back to the table.
A few minutes after we get back to the table, Q just starts yaking all over the booth. Seriously. I mean seriously. JHub takes him and I make quick work of cleaning up the booth. Fresh chocolate milk isn’t something you want to be cleaning up…I promise. I get the booth all cleaned up and our party of 7 starts moving towards the door. The guys can’t leave their precious beer so we cut the cake and sing a quick version of “Happy Birthday” at the bar by the door and the kids ate cake, the boys drank beer, and the moms just idled until it was time to go. Birthday party complete with meltdowns and throw up because this is 35.
After telling our friends goodbye, our trio piles into our Ford SUV and heads to the house. We get home, QMonster gets in (our) bed, JHub settles into his recliner, and I curl up on the couch. Happy Freaking Birthday! That my friends is what a suburban dad’s 35th birthday looks like… A drone in a tree, kids throwing up, and your wife asleep on the couch because this is 35….
Happy Birthday JHub! I am thankful you were born 35 years ago to live this hot mess of a life with me!