I originally posted this on my old family blog and it showed up on my FB “On This Day” and I thought it was worth re-publishing. This is a glimpse into the adoption world. This cycle of “Show and No” would continue for a few more months for us. We actually heard “No” 7 times.
FRIDAY, JUNE 6, 2014
Catch a tiger by his toe
If he hollers, Make him pay
Fifty dollars everyday
My momma told me to
Pick the very best one
and YOU. ARE. NOT. IT!
That little kid chant from the 3rd grade has been playing over and over in my head for a few hours now…ever since I received an email with the words “the birth family did not choose your family”. Remember those pretty profile books I showed you a few post back? Well, we put one to use this week. We were introduced to a situation and we elected to have them see our profile and *fingers crossed* pick us.
We mailed our profile and a copy of our home study late last week. We were told the birth family would be previewing books on Wednesday afternoon and we would be told when they made a decision. Since Jimmy and I hadn’t done this before, we didn’t know how long it would take before we would hear back. Hours, days, weeks, we had no clue. Well the answer is about 24 hours in this case.
Our CAC consultant emailed us yesterday afternoon to let us know that we were not selected. You don’t have to know me very well to know what my first reaction was. I cried. At work, in my desk, I cried. I felt like we were rejected. I felt like we were not good enough. I mean, obviously I am biased, but what’s wrong with Jimmy and I? Who wouldn’t want us to raise their child? I know, I know. Nothing is wrong with us and a family is going to pick us and be so happy with their decision. As I was driving home from work yesterday, I had time to think about these questions and deal with my emotions. Of course, Jimmy and I talked about it last night. We agree that it will happen when the timing is right. Maybe is was a little over eager of me to think that we would get picked on our FIRST showing. To say that I am better and A OK now would be a lie. I still feel the sting of rejection but overall I am better today. It sucks. Flat out, it sucks.
I had decided early on that I didn’t want to share with everyone when we were showing our books. I had decided that I probably wouldn’t tell anyone, not even our family, because I didn’t want everyone to get sucked into this emotional roller coaster with us. I sucked at that this go-around. I told a friend, I told my parents, I told a co-worker. Since this was our first time, I was probably over excited and spilled the beans. The one reason I didn’t want to tell people is because I didn’t want to have to deliver the “We didn’t get picked” news. Obviously, I have told them the news. Everyone knows now. I am still torn if I want people to know when we are being looked at. One on hand, the prayers and support are so important but on the other hand the sadness that comes with not being picked is a lot to deal with and having to tell people the news is hard because you have to keep saying it over and over again. I may or may not share every time we are being looked at. I may or may not share every time we don’t get selected.
Jimmy and I know that when God is ready, he will bless us with a baby. Until then, we will keep on fundraising, keep on praying, and keep on looking! We can’t thank you all enough for the prayers and support. Please keep them coming!