October 5th 2013-JHub and I got married. We had a small outdoor wedding at a local winery. The night was filled with fun & laughs as we were surrounded by our closest friends and family. My childhood dreams of wearing a white gown, being walked down the aisle by my father, standing next to my sister and BFFs all came true on that day. Jimmy wrote me the sweetest letter and gave me a designer purse I had been eyeing as a wedding gift. It was romantic. It was my own personal romantic fairy tale.
October 5th 2016-Our 3 year anniversary. It was a typical Wednesday morning. I couldn’t sleep the night before which caused me to press snooze on my alarm one to many times. When I finally got my butt out of the bed, I slowly padded into the kitchen to let the fur child out and fix my morning drink. (I survive off of Sparkling Ice flavored water like normal people survive off coffee) I grabbed my HMM tumbler and rinsed it out and carried it over to the fridge. I pushed the tumbler against the contraption that is SUPPOSED to dispense ice for several seconds…It made the typical churning noises but nothing came out…UGH…GREAT….NOT IN THE MOOD….so I aborted that mission. I grabbed a can of water from the fridge and dumped it in my cup. (It was cold so the ice was just a formality).
Once I let the fur child back in, I slowly made my way to the bathroom…tiptoeing quietly through our bedroom so I didn’t wake QMonster (Yes, he sleeps in our bed, go ahead and judge, whatever, at least he sleeps) & JHub. As soon as I turned on the bathroom light, I saw a small shadow scurry across the floor. MOTHER TRUCKER. OH HECK NO! I silently pleaded with whomever “Please don’t let it be a roach. Please.”….Well you can bet you a$$ it was a roach. I know I said “Oh shit” out loud…I remembered my sleeping beauties so I shut the bathroom door and whispered “You’re dead.” Now, y’all know how quick those little bastards are so there was no time to go back to the laundry room and get the Raid. I had to think fast. The closest spray to me was my expensive Bed Head hairspray…whatever I was desperate. I chased that little shit into a corner and wasted a half of can of hairspray on his nasty little life. Don’t worry! He died.
Now, It needs to be noted that roaches are one of my biggest fears. I don’t like bugs in general but I can handle a spider longer before I can handle a freaking roach. Most people have normal fears like heights, death, clown. Not me, my biggest fear is a small bug no bigger than my thumb. It also should be noted that while our house is a mess, it isn’t dirty. We live in the south & have woods behind our house. We get our house sprayed every month for bugs. So please, don’t think we are living in some disgusting pig sty because we had a bug in our house.
Once I was sure the darn thing was dead and stuck to my bathroom floor, I had to come up with a way of getting him cleaned up. I could just be a big girl and get some TP and clean him up myself but yeah right. I could wake JHub up and ask him to do it but I know not to poke a sleeping bear. So, I did the logical thing, I grabbed a cup off the counter (Shoutout to Q Monster for leaving your juice cup sitting around! Hero status bud!) and put it over the top of him. I calmed myself down and proceeded with my morning.
Once I was ready, I got Q Monster up and was getting him dressed when JHub woke up. As soon as I heard him moving around I said “Hey. I killed a roach. He is under a cup in the room with the toilet. Can you clean him up please?” ….”Oh yeah, happy anniversary!” Of course he got up and handled the bug without a word.
That my friends is romance in a marriage…Your husband being the knight in shining armor, or a man in his boxers, cleaning up a dead bug in a bathroom that has been fumigated with hairspray.
Hot Mess Momma Club 