I SWORE!

“Oh my gosh! Do you see that kid? Look how NASTY his face is! I swear, when I become a mom, my kid will never have a dirty face in public.”

“Seriously people, can you not make your kid be quiet? We are trying to eat! I swear when I become a mom my child will KNOW how to act in restaurants.”

“Are you blind? You kiddo’s outfit doesn’t match. I can’t wait to be a mom, my child will always be dressed to the nines.”

You see the theme here, right? I swore I would be the PERFECT mother. How laughable is that? Is there even such a thing? I. THINK. NOT. Women who are not yet into the crazy world of motherhood are CLUELESS (and I can say that because I was one of those uninformed disillusioned women). Thanks to Pinterest, I know myself and many other women, thought motherhood was going to be all crafts, delish cupcakes, and overly priced theme parties.

I SWORE to myself that my child would be over the top presentable and so well manner. I NEVER thought I would face a meltdown in the Target toy aisle. I SWORE my kid would say “yes ma’am/no ma’am”. I SWORE my kid would play ball if he was a boy and love to dance if she was girl. I SWORE my child would always be in cute designer clothes and have their hair all in place. I SWORE that I would always look presentable in my high heels and makeup.  I SWORE I would cherish each and every art project my kiddo brought home from school. I SWORE that I wouldn’t gain weight like *those other moms*. I SWORE my child would like a variety of foods that I cooked for him/her. I SWORE my child would have a perfect birthday party each year.

And now here I sit…writing a Hot Mess Momma blog…because obviously all that swearing I did was just in my head. My son, who is BOY, ALL.FREAKING.BOY. loves dirt, to be loud, and cars. His face is dirty more often than not (not for my lack of effort, though sometimes it isn’t worth the fight and I don’t care). He knows how to act in public though most of the time he chooses to act like an escaped pysch patient. My kiddo can say “yes ma’am” but typically only when you are asking him if he wants a toy. I own more t-shirts than anything else and I rock them pretty much Friday-Sunday. My trash can is filled with random coloring book pages, pudding cups, and broken crayons. I am not spending my evenings coaching little league baseball, instead you’ll find me in my back yard cheering my son on as he “races” his Power Wheels truck. We are probably having McDonalds for dinner tonight and I’ll be logging my Chicken McNuggets and Diet Coke into my Weight Watchers app. Thanks to the McWane Center & their pre-purchased party packages, Quin had a great 4th birthday party. Not to mention, I am writing all of this while wearing my snot covered t-shirt and monogrammed leggings (Shameless plug: You can get yourself a pair of these awesome leggings from our online store!).

Y’all, I SWORE I would be the perfect mother. I just KNEW I could do it. Here I am: I am doing it, not perfectly, but my gosh I am GETTING.IT.DONE. Now, I SWEAR I will only have cup of Momma Juice tonight….

(I SWORE I would never have a store bought generic birthday party for my kiddo...but here we are, celebrating Q turning 4 for one flat fee of $250...don't you love the cake? It was part of the party package!)